And we're off

We're off to my hometown Miami tomorrow afternoon for the weekend. One of my longtime friends Grace is getting married on Saturday. We are looking forward to some rest and relaxation. As well as some family and beach time!

Hopefully when I get back we'll have a new Kuo family member (PUSH IRENE, PUSH!) to see. Hope everything goes well Irene!

Unti then, adios!

Autumn

I love Autumn. It's my favorite season. And today it really felt like it had finally arrived. None of that 'feels like Autumn in the morning, but then Summer by the afternoon' business. It was all Autumn.

Last week was the Autumnal Equinox. David brought home fall colored flowers and cooked up some homemade butternut squash soup, followed by apple cider that we were too full to eat. It was quite tasty, even if it wasn't really autumnal outside yet.

Fall always makes me think of change. Every year when the cool winds start to roll in I feel like I need a big change in my life. Usually I think I should be working somewhere else. Doing something more enjoyable.


My fried chicken should be here any minute. I better prepare...

cranky

Just had my follow up Dr app't to make sure everything is healing ok. Everything is fine I guess. Physically anyway. So now I wait for my cycle to be regular so we can try again. He said it could take anywhere from a few days to months. That really sucks. I don't like the waiting game. I just want to be pregnant again.

I have to wake up at 4:30AM tomorrow in order to catch a 6AM train to New Haven, CT for training. That REALLY sucks. I will be one cranky be-yatch tomorrow. I'll definitely need a Grande Sugar-Free Vanilla Soy Latte tomorrow morning.

And maybe some fried chicken tonight.

Lazy wknd

Had a pretty uneventful weekend. Wasn't in the mood to do much. Friday night we watched a couple episodes of Smallville on our Netflix DVD. Just as it was getting good (finally) I went to pop in the next disc and couldn't find it. We searched everywhere. This sucks. If we don't find it I will claim it as 'lost in the mail' and be done with it. But if they get too much 'lost in the mail' notices then they get suspicious and charge you. So I will have to be more careful next time. But where could it have gone to?

Saturday we lounged around most of the day and watched a bunch of The Most Dangerous Job shows about the Alaskan King Crab fisherman. Crazy shit. Even though the pay could be awesome for 4 days work,(keyword is COULD, some got $9,000, some $30,000, some NONE!),it is not worth losing your life over. As we witnessed on one of the episodes when a poor fellow went overboard and drowned. Does make for good television though. And damn that crab IS tasty!

After we went looking for home stuff at Crate & Barrel. Always looking for home stuff we are. Got a rug for the bedroom and some pillows. We were close to Little Italy so we popped over to the San Genaro Festival and I got the best damn steak sandwhich EVER. Funny thing is most of the vendors there aren't even Italian nor are they selling Italian goods!

Sunday we took the shuttle bus to Ikea to check out some shelves. Didn't buy much but those are some tasty Swedish Meatballs!

Dicky Moe

For years I have been searching for one of my most favorite, and most elusive, Tom & Jerry episodes "Dicky Moe". A few years back there was a Tom & Jerry marathon that showed every episode in order. I had just missed Dicky Moe. Matthew gave me a Tom & Jerry video collection for Christmas. No Dicky Moe.

For months I would watch T&J every night on Boomerang hoping for a glimpse of what has turned out to be my own white whale. But alas, he was never to be found.

Until tonight.

That's right folks. As David and I flipped through channels we landed on Boomerang and I recognized that the one we were watching was from the same director of my beloved D.M., Gene Deitch. I quickly checked the Boomerang website and sure enough, Dicky Moe was scheduled to be on tonight. I let out a scream. David was concerned that I was in pain. DICKY MOE! I yelled.

So we waited. And it came on. And it was amazing. Very creepy. The sound effects and drawing quite different than other episodes. Captain Ahab looked a little like a Blue Meenie. In all it was very satisfying and well worth the many years of waiting.

Feeling blah

I'm feeling sad again. I think it was brought on by my boss' 20 mth old daughter who came in to visit today. Her little Irish eyes and curls were so cute. After she left I started feeling really sad. It just sucks that what I thought was about 6 mths away is now at least a year away. That is if everything goes right next time around.

I've been resorting to a couple of things to make me feel better (temporarily). Coffee (preferably Starbucks vanilla soy latte's) and fried chicken. Yes, fried chicken. I think I will order it yet again tonight. It just makes me happy.

Blissful day

I was asked to come in early to work today, 8am. I wasn't sure why. When I arrived my boss handed me an envelope. Inside was a nice card written by the 3 partners/owners of my company and a note saying today is my 'spa day'. As a gift they had purchased me a 75 minute massage, a manicure and a pedicure. And today was my day beginning at 10:30am.

I arrived at Bliss on time (for once). The hostess escorted me to the locker room and instructed me to change into a robe and slippers and then proceed to the lounge. The whole place was beautiful. Low lighting. Fresh flowers. Soft music. So peaceful. The waiting lounge was stocked with lemon water, lemonade and various hot teas. Platters of cookies, brownies, olives, crackers and cheese awaited. I sat on the big, plush suede couches and started to relax as I munched on a little bit of everything. Already I was in heaven.

Michael K came out to get me. He led me to the massage room and told me exactly what to do. The table was heated. Sooooo nice. He put hot paraffin wax on my feet and wrapped them in plastic to keep the heat and moisture in. Soooo nice. He then massaged my arms, legs and back. Soooo nice. He used just the right amount of pressure. It was just perfect.

I then waited for the manicure/pedicure lady. She came out and led me to the mani/pedi room. It all went pretty smoothly. Not nearly as relaxing as the massage, but she did a good job.

I was told that I had the rest of the day off so I then shopped around at H&M and Banana Republic, had some lunch, and came home.

I still can't get over how generous my company is. It's great to have such supportive family, friends and co-workers.

Something to help make me feel better

I have pre-ordered the new Buffy Complete DVD Box Set-The Chosen Collection. It is set to ship November 15th. I can't wait to have all 7 seasons all to myself. Sure, I've seen every episode numerous times. But you can never EVER get enough of my Buffy.

Thanks Henry for the heads up. Thanks to Joss for a lifetime of happiness.

Feelings

So I'm feeling OK now. But sometimes I'm not. If someone comes over to me at work who already knows my situation, I'm OK talking about it. But if I have to tell people for the first time, I get upset. I guess it's saying the words "I have lost the baby" that really make it sink in.

I just told the lady at the corner deli that there is no more baby.I had told them I was pregnant on one of our daily coffee breaks. I know it may seem strange to some that I would share this with the corner deli people. But when you go there everyday for years you become friendly with people. Anyway, when I told her I almost started crying. When I left the deli a woman was walking down the street with a newborn in a stroller. That didn't help things much either.

So I guess I'm not completely ok yet. It will take time.

Keeping myself busy

So I've been trying to keep myself busy to keep my mind off of things...

On Friday I decided to paint primer over the dark grey in the bedroom. Turned out I needed two coats which required two trips to the paint store as well as about 5 hours of my time. But I was so pleased with the results. No more grey. Yey. I didn't tell David and he was very surprised when he came home.

We also finally got new bedding that we both love so that is a huge relief. On Sunday we painted the bedroom a light beige on 3 walls and on the main wall we painted it a nice green. We also got new curtains and lamps. Everything looks great and we now FINALLY have a bedroom to be proud of.

On Saturday we hung out with our buddy Doc ESP during the day. Had some British Fish n' Chips at A Salt & Battery for lunch and then walked around the Village. Met up with Henry later who just purchased a 50" Plasma TV. Went by his place, which looks awesome, and helped him set up and watched some Incredibles. He then treated us to a great dinner at Blue Smoke. Mmmmm, ribs. Thanks Henry. Your place is beautiful.

Everyone has been very supportive at my workplace and I'm glad to work with such great people. They even sent me a beautiful orchid to my home on Friday with a note-"thinking of you, your friends of work". Very sweet.

The procedure

So I had the procedure (D & C) yesterday to remove the baby. It all went pretty smoothly. The procedure couldn't have lasted more than 10-15 minutes. But I wouldn't know because I was out like a light when they started the IV sedation. I awoke in the recovery room amongst many other girls. It was a very smoothly run place. You go in, get your procedure, then you're wheeled into the recovery room, you lay there for a few minutes. Then you are walked over the the recovery chairs, big comfy leather chairs. Next to the chairs are big baskets full of all my favorite cookies-Lorna Doone Shortbread (my all time favorite), Oreos, Fig Newtons and Cream Sandwhich Cookies. A nurse brings you hot cocoa or tea or soda, whatever you want. They take excellent care of everyone and remember everyone's name which really impressed me. I soon realized that all the girls around me weren't there for the same procedure I had. They all had just had abortions. I was the oldest one there. Most were under 20 years old. And for most this wasn't their first one.

One girl was having the first part of a 2 part abortion. She was 20 weeks. She had driven up from Redding, PA because they won't do them there. She drove 2 1/2 hrs by herself. She had to drive herself home, and then be back at the clinic today at 9am. She was very scared and upset that she had no one to go with her. It was her first time in Manhattan.

While it was disturbing to me that these girls have had multiple abortions, I felt that at least they have the choice. And the fact that this choice may be taken away because of assholes in Bush's government scares me. If these girls didn't have this option they would all be having babies that they are not prepared to have. Having this choice is so very important.

Loss

We are back from Spain. Had a great time. But more about that later.

I had my second appointment with my doctor yesterday. Unfortunately we have lost the baby. The doctor did a sonogram and I'm sad to say there was no heartbeat and the baby didn't grow beyond 8 wks (should have been 11 1/2 weeks in size by now). So today I have to go to the medical center and my doctor will remove the baby and anything else that shouldn't be there anymore.

Needless to say we are very sad. We know it's nothing I did wrong, nor nothing we could have controlled. Some embryo's are just not genetically designed right to continue living. But still...

So we will get through this together and try again when the doctor gives us the OK (a few months time). I just hate that we have to start at square one again. And then there'll be so much worrying.

This really sucks. After the sonogram the doctor sent me to the hospital to get a second sonogram to be absolutely sure. It was difficult sitting in the waiting room amongst the women with big belly's. But I know (hope) I will get there one day soon.